The Seven Dancing Scoobies
by Jero
Summary: Slash! Puts the Scooby gang in the Brother's Grimm fairy tale 'the Twelve Dancing Princesses'.


The Seven Dancing Scoobies

(: Or I Massacre the Brother's Grimm! :)

Disclaimer: I own not a thing.

Author's Notes: Kay, kiddies!  If you see something enclosed in these: (: :) it is a comment made by me, and can thusly be ignored!

Once upon a time, there was a Watcher, the ruler of a great and magnificent country called Cali Fornia.  And King Giles had his castle in the ruling city of Sunny Dale, which also held the Mouth of Hell.  But no one talks about that much.

And the good and wise Watcher had seven children whom he loved dearly and with all his heart.  There was the eldest Buffy, who was the Chosen One.  She had been trained to fight and kill the evil demons that often tried to take over the kingdom.

Next came the twins: Oz and Devon. Oz was also a werewolf, but had learned to control his wolf.  He was quiet and insightful.  And played guitar in a famed band called 'Dingoes Ate My Baby.'  Devon was sexy and beautiful.  He was the singer in the 'Dingoes'.

Then came the triplets: Willow, Tara, and Jesse (: he's not dead in my world! :).  Willow and Tara were renowned and loved throughout the land for their amazing and marvelous skills in the arts of witchcraft.  Jesse was a vampire, but he had been saved from being slain by a curse that held his soul to his body.

Finally, the youngest was Xander, who was all dark hair and muscles and chocolate puppy eyes.  He could find humor in anything, and was loved by the entire land (: What?! Let the poor boy be happy for once! :).  All his siblings took very good care of him and protected him, for they loved him the most.

Now the seven siblings, often referred to as the Scoobies, fought evil every day and night and averted apocalypses almost monthly.  And when they would get home, tired and bloody from their exertions, they would clean themselves up and almost immediately fall into their beds.  And here was a curious thing, for their father, King Giles, was very nervous that evil would come and kill his precious children while they slept.  So, the seven slept in one room, with the four boys' beds on the left side of the room and the three girls' bed on the right.  A divider curtain could be pulled for privacy (: 'cause I don't care what you say, people.  We're not in Alabama. :).

Once they were settled in for the night, King Giles would carefully lock, deadbolt, and then magically ward the door to the windowless room.  But for the past few months, when he unsealed and opened the door, the Scoobies' shoes were all tattered and worn out from dancing.  So King Giles often had to take his children shoe shopping, a task that frightened even the most hardened criminals in the castle dungeons.  This was because the boys would do anything to avoid shopping and the girls turned into howling shopping maniacs.

Now, King Giles was getting tired of the shoe shopping and he was also very worried for the safety of his children, so he send out a royal decree stating that anyone who could discover where his children were going at night, would be awarded the hand of one of his children in marriage.  But if the problem hadn't been solved in the three nights allotted, the would-be suitor would be imprisoned in the castle dungeon.

So a Watcher-prince came to the city of Sunnydale and went to the castle boldly proclaiming he would discover the secret in only one night.  So he was locked into the Scoobies' bedroom that night, but, alas, though he tried, the prince could not stay awake and thus did not discover the secret.  The next two nights passed the same way, and the Watcher-prince was thrown into the dungeon.

Next came a prophetess to the castle to try her luck, but she fared the same as the Watcher-prince before her.  Then a demon prophet, but he too failed.

The fourth to try was a souled vampire.  The entire castle was abuzz, certain that the vampire would discover the secret.  He came in all broody and sorrowful, telling King Giles he would solve the problem.  So he too was locked into the bedroom.  And before they got into bed, Buffy offered the vampire a cup of warm blood.  He eagerly drank it, pleased with the hospitality (: But not too happy.  This isn't an Angelus story :).  Soon afterward, he fell fast asleep, a rare thing, since vampires are creatures of the night and all.  And he fell asleep the next two nights and was promptly imprisoned when he could not produce the secret of the Scoobies' nighttime dancing.

And so many came, male and female, to try to discover the secret.  And woe to them, for they all slept, whilst the Scoobies continued with what they were doing secretly (: Not that!  You're sick!  They're all related in this story.  May I remind you we are not in Alabama or Missouri? :).

And so, there came a weary vampiric-traveler to Cali Fornia.  He had been searching for his Dark Princess and finally gave up.  It was then he met a cloaked man on the side of the road.  " 'Ey now!  Wot are you doing there?" asked the tired vampire.

"Merely resting," said the concealed man.  "You may join me if you wish.  Where are you heading?"

"Dunno," said the bleached vampire, coming to sit by the fire.  "Was looking for my Dru.  Now I'm not.  I was thinking on visiting the Hellmouth and finding out the Scoobies' secret.  But then I heard they dusted me sire.  And I'm not to keen on dying."

The cloaked man laughed.

"Dying as in being killed.  Not my hair.  Bloody wanker," sneered the vampire, unamused.

"They've actually only been imprisoning the ones who fail.  But, I can tell you what you need to know to know.  It'll cost you though," said the still unidentified man.

"Wot do you want for your help?" asked the vampire uncertainly.

"Only that you mention my name to the King.  I wish to see him again," said the man.

"Your name?  And that would be…"

"Ethan Rayne," Ethan pulled the hood of his cloak down.

"Thought you sounded familiar.  Did you want anything else while I'm here?  We could… reminisce," said the vampire, quirking an eyebrow.

"Now, now, Spike.  That's not necessary.  Now, listen, because this is very important," Ethan gestured for Spike to move in closer.  "Once you're locked in for the night, they're going to offer you some blood.  Take it, but don't drink it.  It's been drugged.  Make them think you drank it."  Spike nodded.  "Once they think you're asleep, they'll do whatever it is they do.  You can follow them using this," Ethan handed Spike a ring.  "Put this on and twist the stone to the right, it with make you invisible.  To become visible again, twist the stone back to the left."

"Thanks mate," said Spike.  "I won't forget this."

"You better not.  I'll kill you myself," laughed Ethan, before disappearing.

"Bollocks," said Spike, getting to his feet and continuing on to the castle.

When he arrived, nearly at sunrise, the guards ushered him in and gave him a dark room to sleep in.  A servant telling him to bathe, dress, and feed before coming to the throne room awakened him at sunset.  Once Spike had put on the fresh clothes and drained the criminal chained in the waiting room, he quickly made his way to the throne room.

"So you have come to discover the secret?" asked King Giles wearily.

"Yes, I have, your highness.  Nothing can fool me," said Spike with gusto.

"The others have all said that as well," snickered Buffy.

"Shh, you'll get us in trouble," whispered Jesse.

"Children!" said King Giles sternly.

"Yes, Father?" they chorused, all looking innocent and pure.  Spike noticed the dark haired boy with the puppy eyes, and winked at him when the boy turned toward him.

Xander watched the blue-eyed vampire wink at him and blushed.  He turned to Oz and Devon and whispered to them, "That vamp scares me.  He's going to find out."

"Baby brother," drawled Devon, "he can't find out our secret.  We're too good.  It's a shame he's going to die like the others.  'Cause he's nice-looking."

"Yeah," said Oz.  "We'll be fine."  Then he and Devon went back to ogling Spike.

Xander sighed.

King Giles led them all to the bedroom, "This door is the only way in or out of this room.  Once you go in, you're in for the night."

Spike nodded and entered the room.  The seven Scoobies were already in their beds.  A chair stood near the door, and Spike sat on that.  Then he heard several locks being done, a bolt sliding home, and a quiet chant.  Then silence.

The red haired girl had gotten out of bed.  "Here, sir," Willow said.  "You must be thirsty after your long journey."

"Thanks, luv," Spike said, taking the cup and sniffing it.  "Mmm, human.  What a doll."

She watched him drink it down, then took the cup back and returned to her bed.  What she didn't notice, was that Spike had let the blood dribble down his chin and catch in a sponge hidden under his chin.  He stealthily removed the sponge and pretended to fall asleep.

"Look at that," said Buffy, scornfully.  "He didn't even need the sleeping potion.  He would've fallen right asleep."

"Ugh, it's a good thing he won't be finding out.  I wouldn't want to marry him.  Too many sharp edges," said Willow.

Tara giggled and agreed.

Then Buffy snickered, "And what's up with his hair?  Geez, even I don't use that much bleach."

"Ah ha!  She admits it!" yelled Jesse.

"No!  That's not what I meant to say!" Buffy blushed.

"C'mon, you guys!  Our dates are waiting," said Devon.

"I'm not so sure about this," said Xander, as Buffy went to the middle of the floor and tapped three times with her foot.

"Don't worry, Xand," said Willow.  "The vamp's going to sleep for hours.  Don't you want to see your princess?"

"I guess.  I just still have this bad feeling, that's all."  A section of the floor had sunk, revealing a staircase that wound down below the castle.  After one last glance at Spike, the seven began descending the stairs.

Once the last had disappeared through the floor, Spike twisted his ring and quickly followed them down.  When Buffy stepped on the seventh step down, the floor slowly began closing.  The seven and Spike continued down the stairs.  Spike tripped at one point and had to catch himself on Xander.

"Someone grabbed me!  Oh, we should go back!" he shouted.

"Xander!  Shhh!" said Buffy.  "There's no one here but us.  Stop worrying."

At the bottom of the stairs, lay a glittering forest made up of silver trees.  "Bloody hell!" said Spike to himself.  "I gotta get me some of this."  So saying, he pulled a handful of leaves off the nearest tree with a loud rustling sound.

"Did you hear that?" said Xander nervously.

"Just the wind, man," said Oz, reassuringly.

"Oh," said Xander, peeking around to be certain.

Once they were through the silver trees, they came upon gold trees and then diamond trees.  Each time, Spike grabbed a handful of leaves, and Xander yelled that they were being followed.  Soon, though, they came to a crystal clear lake.  Seven boats were waiting and the seven each stepped into one, Spike joined Xander in his.

The magical boats maneuvered across the water swiftly and soon they were on the other side of the shore, where seven demons waited.  Buffy, Willow, and Tara were all greeted by initiative demons (: Ha bloody ha!  Take that you evil soldier boys! :).  Vampires embraced Devon and Jesse, while Oz claimed a female werewolf.  Spike watched as Xander nervously approached the last one remaining, a Slayer.

Buffy and Riley, her demon, were the first ones to start dancing, with Graham and Forest pulling Willow and Tara onto the dance floor not long after.  Oz and Veruca chose to run about the grounds and howl at the opal moon.  Darla and Jesse were soon dancing as well, while Druscilla whispered the secrets of the stars to Devon.  Xander looked almost frightened of his dancing partner, the Evil Princess Faith.

Spike didn't even follow his Dark Princess, he tailed Xander and was having fun tripping Faith, tugging on her skirt, and other evil things.  Eventually, Oz and Veruca showed up on the dance floor and the seven couples partied until their shoes were in tatters.  At about four in the morning, the seven returned to the boats and began the trudge through the trees.

Spike hurried ahead of the others and was back in his chair, feigning sleep when the seven tired Scoobies ascended and returned to their beds.  Buffy glanced over to the 'sleeping' vamp, "See, Xan, he hasn't moved at all."

Spike decided not to see anything to King Giles yet, and the next night, and the night after that, he followed the Scoobies to the underground lake and watched them dance their shoes to pieces.

When he summoned Spike, King Giles was not expecting the vampire to have discovered the secret.  He had resigned himself to the endless torture of shoe shopping with his seven offspring.  "Prince Spike of Aurelius, have you discovered where my children dance at night?"

"I have, your grace.  Each night, Buffy taps three times on the stone in the middle of their room.  The stone descends and a staircase leads below the castle, through three forests made of silver, gold, and diamond, to a clear lake.  Seven magical boats sit on the lake, waiting to carry your children to seven royal demons, who have been banished from the surface.  But," Spike paused for a moment.

"Yes," prompted Giles.

"I had a little help."

"What sort of help?"

"A traveler told me I would be given a sleeping potion, that's all," Spike lied, leaving out the enchanted ring.

"And who was this traveler?"

"Ethan Rayne, sir," said Spike, watching the king react to that statement.  "He asked that I only mention his name to you as payment for his help."

"Well," said King Giles, speechless.  "Let me bring in the children, and we shall see if your story is correct."

The Scoobies were ushered in, a bit worried, for this had never happened before.

"Prince Spike has informed me of your nightly whereabouts," said the Watcher-king.

"And where is it that we go?" simpered Buffy, hoping to charm her father.

"He says you tap the floor and a staircase is revealed."

"I told you he saw us!" whispered Xander.

"Then, you pass through three forests…"

"One of silver," Spike interrupted the king and pulled out the silver leaves he had grabbed the first night.  He then pulled out the gold leaves, "one of gold, and one of diamond," he finished by pulling out the diamond leaves.

"You tricked us!" shrieked Buffy.

"You sought to drug me, and allow me to be killed, as you let countless others be imprisoned," growled Spike.  "Including my sire."

"Now, now," said King Giles.  "I will allow them to be released since they were tricked.  And you may have your reward.  Which of my children do you choose?"

The three girls looked frightened, Jesse looked remotely disgusted, Oz and Devon looked hopeful, and Xander just looked sad.

"Why are you sad, Pet?" Spike asked the boy.

" 'Cause you're gonna pick Devon or Oz," whispered Xander, looking at the floor.

"Am not," he said, lifting Xander's chin until he could look into the chocolate orbs.  "Gonna pick you."  Spike kissed the boy softly.

The seven demons were banished to Hell for their meddling ways.  And all the prisoners were let out and four of them ended up with the remainder of the Scoobies.  Angel with Buffy, Cordelia with Jesse, Wesley with Willow and Tara (: hey, what can I say? :), and Doyle with Oz and Devon (: So they're a little close for brothers, it's just a story! :).  And Ethan returned to become the King's consort.

The End (: And they lived happily ever after and had lots of sex, too! :)


End file.
